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February 23, 2005
The Dark of Night, Circa 2003
It’s funny but sometimes I get these little emails which arrive in my inbox with the subject ‘new comment posted to your blog’. But since I know that no one who was even vaguely decent would read someone else’s heartfelt and privately expressed words, of course I delete them immediately without bothering to read them - but it makes me wonder if there is some kind of virus attacking the mainframe of my superdrive, or whatever. Worrying.
I am waiting for pizza to arrive, and I’m thinking I should put on a shirt, just in case the sexy pizza delivery girl gets the wrong idea. I mean, come on – just because I like to be comfortable in my own home doesn’t mean you get have your wily ways with me, you sassy pizza bringing girl. Why do you keep sending your hairy minions pizza girl, you tease? Sometimes I wonder if you even exist! But then Squeakfeather whispers in my ear that you do, and I feel stupid for ever doubting you.
I spent the evening singing karaoke in my friendses living room. It was great! I have to get a home karaoke setup. It’s on the list right above ‘mirror maze’. I would love a mirror maze!
Sexy pizza girl: Ding dong (she’s ringing the doorbell)
Me (on intercom): Come in my dear.
Door: Buzzzzzz.
Me (on intercom): Step right through.
Door: Click! (this is the door closing behind her)
Sexy, Sassy Pizza Cat: Hello? What the fuck is this place?
Me (on another intercom, enthusiastically): Oh, that’s just the mirror maze. Come right on up through that!
Beautiful Voluptuous Pizza Girl: Um ... er ... this corridor leads to nowhere! Um ... wait, now I’m seeing myself a thousand times! How am I supposed to know where to go?
Me (to myself, chuckling): Ha ha ha.
Lovely Pizza Bringing Vision of a Girl: Oh no! I’m lost! Help, get me out of here!
Me (on intercom): Hot ... hot ... cold ... cold ...
Ms Pizza: Are you helping me with clues?
Me (on intercom): No, I’m guessing the temperature of my pizza. This will affect your tip.
Pizza Lady Extraordinaire: Aha! The door! Knock knock! (this is her knocking on the door at the end of the maze)
Me (opening door): Congratulations! You solved my mirror maze!
Oh God Pizza Girl: But not without your help!
Me (on intercom): True.
Pizza Pizza: Why did you get back on the intercom? I’m right here.
Me: It’s just a thing I like to do.
Her: Hey, you’re not wearing a shirt. That is so unbelievably sexy I can’t believe no one has thought of it before!
Me: You know, there are two ways to get out of this place. 1) back the way you just came through the fearsome mirror maze, but this time THE SPIDERS WILL BE TURNED ON, or 2) the bedroom.
Duchess Pizza the 1st: Hmmm.
There are different endings to this.
Posted by Sam Bowring at February 23, 2005 10:05 PM