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May 25, 2005
Gel
Why is spiky pretty?
Why is shiny nice?
Why is moulded oh so fine?
Hair these days is so precise.
More definition, you wayward curls!
Stand up straight, you floppy lengths!
Left, not right, oh rebel fringe!
You will do what I tell you, sort of!
What is wrong with what God gave us?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH WHAT GOD GAVE US?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH WHAT GOD GAVE US? (If I could work out how to use a bigger font here, I would)
Why seek to alter and improve His work?
I mean, admittedly, I am not against all forms of artificial appearance improvement – makeup, for example. I don’t mind makeup - especially on prostitutes who would otherwise seem of questionable age. You want to feel like you’re getting your money’s worth, even if you’re really not.
When I was down in Melbourne for the comedy festival, I wanted to look Nice, because there are lots of trendy people around, and sometimes I try to be trendy too, even though it is a difficult and painful experience for me. So one night I used Too Much Cheap Gel. It dried and kind of frosted, so instead of my desired effect of Being Cool, I looked like I had the most abominable dandruff in the entire world.
Abominable Snowman: Hey!
All right, second most abominable. Anyway, I had to rub my hands through my hair repeatedly until it was all gone, which left my hair all boofed up and crazy and still dandruff infested and worse than before. And the only stuff I had to correct this was the Shitty Fucking Cheaparse Gel that created the problem in the first place.
So I went out with pretty dumb looking hair that night. But, oh well. I guess that’s what you get for trying to make a difference.
Not always of course. If you wanted to make a difference by helping some homeless kids get off the street, for example, I don’t think the result would be shite hair. Unless they mugged you even after you gave food to them, the ungrateful swine, and mussed it up in the process.
Anyway, Squeakfeather is whispering that I’m up past my bedtime, so I better get off to bed and lie awake for a few hours.
Posted by Sam Bowring at May 25, 2005 04:02 AM