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April 03, 2006
Love Lasts with the Dark
I had the cursed dream again last night. Worse than a simple nightmare.
Been having them a lot lately, actually. Well, more than normal anyway. Used to be about once a year. Now it's like 3 or 4 times.
There's no sex in the dreams. In fact, I’ve never sex dreams. The furthest I get is that something vaguely sexual will start to happen, but then the walls fall down, doors blow off hinges, tornados sweep through or scenes change. I remember feeling pretty jipped by this in high school, cause they were always telling us in sex education it was a natural thing to have sex dreams, and I was like, ‘So come on, bring on the sex dreams! Not getting any sex in real life, so some sex dreams would be real swell. Yeah, it’s perfectly natural!’ But no. Never once.
I remember some guy asked me if I’d ever had a wet dream and I said yes, because I thought a wet dream was when you pissed yourself in your sleep.
The cursed dream is always the same. It goes: I meet her, we fall in love, we are happy together. We have plenty of good times. I FEEL in love, and am happier than I ever am.
It’s always a different girl, and always a girl who doesn’t exist. I wake up, and for a few moments I think it's real. I was dreaming of her, yes, but she’s in the bed right next to me, or off somewhere else but still mine. As the fog of sleep lifts, I slowly realise that she is gone. In fact, she wasn’t even real. A grey hollowness builds, a loss of something that never was, conjured pain. Hell of a way to start the day.
There was another one I had of these, a different version, in Adelaide. It involved a kitten. I was so happy to open up its box, watch it take in its new surroundings (a great rolling garden full of moss covered statues and fallen ruins turned to raised flower beds), become great friends – and then, once more, the coming of morning brings mourning for nothing.
Ha. What a loser I thought. Mooning after a dream kitten. LOSER!
But hey. I’m fine.
Everybody has bad dreams.
And I’m not really lonely – I do have little Squeakfeather, after all.
What's in Squeakfeather's takings for today?
SQUEAKFEATHER'S TAKINGS 24/3/06
1 burnt peanut
1 medical pamphlet called All About Polio and You
3 pages from someone’s university textbook, important parts highlighted in green
1/2 a ten dollar note
1 can of Formulated Food for Cichlids (Squeakfeather informs me these are a type of predatory fish)
2 chocolate bars
Yes! Two chocolate bars! Why Squeakfeather, that’s one each! You’re always so thoughtful. You’re my best friend Squeakfeather, I love you, and I don’t need anybody else, especially girls or kittens, cause I have you.
Posted by Sam Bowring at 05:17 PM | Comments (0)