« October 2006 | Main | February 2007 »
January 23, 2007
Domestic Tip for the Day:
Have a spill and thought you had some kitchen towel for wiping things up with, but instead YOU DON’T? Well here's the perfect use for that mouldy bread you didn’t understand why you were saving! Bread is absorbent, and if it's mouldly then it’s no more use for bread as such, so get some extra mileage out of your wasted investment by using it to wipe all manner of household spills and infractions. Even if you did have some kitchen towel, you could now save it for the ‘good’ spills.
Posted by Sam Bowring at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)
January 04, 2007
Dear Tent City
Last week I went camping in a tent purchased from your shop, which went just fine until I had to work out how to get it back into its impossibly small tent bag.
No where on the packaging did it read: ‘Warning: Do Not Attempt Repacking This Tent Without a Degree in Quantum Physics.’ Perhaps if it had been labeled thus, I would have known to spend the requisite 5 – 10 years at university before making my purchase.
That said, I do happen to know that black holes are caused by densely compacted matter, which caused me worry as I attempted to repack this tent – worry that I might create a black hole, suck up the BBQ and all of the parrots, not to mention planet earth. It felt like I was chasing an event horizon with the zip, you’d sooner stuff a tent into a condom ... you don’t seem to have included the necessary fire truck required to run over this stuff and flatten it to a feasible size! All because some freak in tent design is frightened of anything he could potentially get his head stuck in.
You see a bag is allowed to fit things in it, that’s part of ‘the magic of bags’. Maybe a tiny tent bag is necessary if you’re in the army or something, but I’m going to Jervis Bay in a Kia to smoke joints for a week! I don’t pack my pot under my thumbnail, do I?
Get with the fucking program.
Yours sincerely,
Sam Bowring
Posted by Sam Bowring at 04:50 PM | Comments (0)
January 03, 2007
How to Make Freckles
(if you don’t have them)
Go to the beach on a hot burny day and rub yourself all over with sand. The sand will mostly protect you from sunburn, but there will be little gaps between the sand bits where you will not be protected. These bits will eventually burn, and turn brown or pink.
Then you simply wash the sand off and lo and behold! You have given yourself a full body coating of freckles!* Yay!
* Degree of nudity, and therefore freckle coverage, is at the discretion of the freckle creator, and laws of local council.
Patented Process (C) Sam Bowring 2006, created on a beach in Thailand
Posted by Sam Bowring at 05:07 PM | Comments (0)